Saturday, November 26, 2011

Mission Statement

I am tremendously hungover from my five-year high school reunion last night. If purgatory existed, one would spend eternity with a five-dollar hanger. While the Shania Twain discography looped over the loudspeakers. The subwoofer would be blown out and the treble would be all tinny to make it somehow even more of an aural atrocity. Meanwhile, through the same channel would blare a lecture by Gilbert Godfrey on the importance of going organic and the benefits of kale. (Or is purgatory just a place with no stimuli where you just sit around bored? Would that be worse? I don't think it would be. Gilbert Godfrey sounds like a Downs parrot doing a Fozzy the Bear impression.)

Besides bringing upon The Fear and The Shakes, a good hangover finds me at my most introspective. As a result, this site was born. I'm planning on using this site to share stories, rant, talk about bands, and the like. I hope it turns out weird and I'm sure it will. I want to update this more regularly than my last b'logge with Ben. There will be no LiveJournal emotional trash, just straight hits. Sweet sexy Jesus, I think my LiveJournal site is still on the internet. Yep, it is. Oh fudge, I can't even delete it.

Gawdamn it, Shania Twain. Why couldn't you be more like your old granddad Mark. Now that man knew the American moustache. Serious lunchpail lip rug. I wonder who was the first man to decide to shave his entire face besides his nose garden. That man deserves a firm handshake and a Level 3 sex offender status.

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